Patience is the virtue that everyone jokingly says not to pray for, because patience has to be tested to be grown.
In some versions of the Bible, this attribute is called forbearance, which isn’t a common word in today’s society. Forbearance means restraint from taking action, and is often used in context with loans or refraining from enforcement of a legal right, such as not foreclosing on a property when the borrower is behind on payments.
My research also describes patience as endurance, steadfastness, long suffering and slowness in avenging wrongs. It’s important to look at these definitions of patience and forbearance because this virtue is more than just not losing your temper waiting for someone or something. It’s about loving well and appreciating the growth and connection that develops slowly. It’s about a Spirit-filled response when someone has wronged you, even when you’re well within your right to be angry or be avenged.
Let’s dig a little deeper into patience.
It is tied to humility.
Patience is contrasted with pride in Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
Humility doesn’t mean that we let others take advantage of us or we don’t have confidence in ourselves. It is a heart posture–a lack of arrogance, a concession that we are not more important than others, and an acknowledgement of our need for Christ.
The more we humble ourselves, the slower we are to lose our patience. With a posture of humility, we lean toward compassion instead of anger.
It is revealed in our reactions when we don’t get our way.
Patience (or a lack thereof) is often revealed when we are not getting our way or when others are not conforming to our plan of control. Impatience is about me. Patience is about tempering a selfish reaction when things don’t go quite as we expect or desire, even in the midst of suffering. When we feel impatient, sometimes we have elevated something to a higher status than it should have. It might help to pause and consider what this might be–perhaps it is an achievement, adherence to a schedule, or someone else’s opinion that is behind our impatience?
Paul tells us, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12). When we experience trouble, pain or suffering, he encourages us to be patient. Patience doesn’t mean inaction, but our reaction to the situation shouldn’t be prideful, greedy or angry. Instead, we can use the experience of affliction to grow in humility, patience, trust in God and hope.
It is displayed in God’s love of us.
“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance,” 2 Peter 3:9 says. I am so thankful for a patient God who loves me. If we are to love as he loves (agape), we are to also be patient with others.
Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of the book Growing Slow, said, “When it comes to the ones you love, you cannot hurry and connect at the same time.”
In 1 Corinthians 13, patience is the very first descriptor of love. God is patient with us because he loves us; so we, too, ought to be patient with others because we love them.
It can be affected by our physical needs.
I don’t know about you, but whenever I am hungry or tired, my patience wanes thin and I become more irritable. When you find yourself with an impatient attitude, pause to ask yourself if you have a physical unmet need that may be causing your impatience. If so, try to fill that need as quickly as possible.
My husband woke me up with a kiss goodbye early one morning about 4:00 am. He was leaving for work and wished me a cheerful, “Have a great day! I love you!” My half-awake response was less than sweet: “Don’t talk to me like that!” “Like what?” he said, to which I responded, “So…so ALERT!” We still like to chuckle about this, but it’s a good example of how a lack of sleep can cause impatience with those you love.
Remember that God designed us to honor the Sabbath in order to renew ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally, as well as draw us closer in step with the Spirit. When we are not following his commands, we cannot live our best life.
It is required for a good harvest.
I love how many references and metaphors to plants and farming there are in the Bible. In a culture that has rejected waiting in favor of immediate gratification, these references serve as wonderful reminders of the benefits of patience.
In Galatians 6:8-9, Paul tells us, “Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
A crop takes months, and sometimes years, to produce a harvest. It requires care, diligence, patience and hard work, but the fruit–the apples or pecans or sweet corn–is worth the effort and the time. The same concept applies to us. God does some of his most beautiful work in the small, almost imperceivable changes in life.
Our flesh is all about our immediate desires. When we are focused on how we feel in the moment, or what we want right now, we can lose sight of the big picture. Sowing to please the flesh may look like binge watching another show, eating that second helping of dessert, hurrying to achieve, or spending all of your monthly income on today’s wants.
When we sow to please the Spirit, we are investing in behaviors that will affect our and others’ eternity and relationship with God. Paul is encouraging us to “not become weary in doing good”. Our patience will be rewarded with a harvest in God’s timing. Sowing to please the Spirit may look like reading your Bible, helping a neighbor in need, teaching your children Bible verses, donating to others experiencing a crisis, or praying.
We may not get an immediate yes to a prayer, but we are building our relationship with God when we pray. We won’t memorize the Bible after reading it one time, but we will gain wisdom each time we do. We won’t get a thank you for every good deed, but we are giving someone a glimpse of the light of God that may change how they spend eternity.
In this life, we will suffer, but those who wait for God are blessed (Isaiah 30:18). Eternal life with God is our ultimate harvest.
Everyone who is filled with the Spirit has a deep resource to draw upon for the fruit of the Spirit. What a blessing it is to have a gracious God who patiently waits for us to seek him, to desire to know him more and to look to him for help.
In Colossians 2:7 (NLT), Paul tells us, “Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” This is slow growth–roots growing deep and building lives on God. When we hurry and strive through life, we can miss the goodness God has in store for us.
Let’s invite the Spirit to move in us to increase our patience. Practicing it will help.
Ideas to practice patience:
- Wait for someone, especially a child or elder, without any signs of impatience.
- Choose not to pull out your phone when you have to wait for a few minutes. Use that time to take notice of people or view around you, or to say a short prayer.
- Reflect on and thank God for his patience with you during your lifetime.
- Make sure you are getting enough sleep.
- Practice meditation (the Pause app is great).
- When you find yourself losing patience, practice thanksgiving instead. Find something in that moment to be grateful for, and say it out loud (to the person or to God).
- Identify triggers, and take steps to find a helpful solution (wake up earlier, train your kids to do a chore, eliminate an activity from your schedule, etc.).
- Accept how someone else is made, rather than always being frustrated by them.
- Make a list of good things that require patience (i.e. paying off your house, getting a college degree, growing a tree, etc.).
- Ask God to reveal some beauty in the moment you don’t feel patient.
Lord, thank you for your patience with us. Please help us to humble ourselves and show this same patience in our everyday lives. We know good things grow in the waiting. Move us to show kindness and love through patience. Help us to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer always. Amen.
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: An Invitation
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Love
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Joy
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Peace
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Kindness
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Goodness
