5 Ways to Grow in Grace

Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed some disturbing trends. My high achieving friends are distressed by their disrupted schedules. There is increased criticism toward leadership as well as anyone in the public eye. People are taking offense at any opinion or behavior that doesn’t align with their own, responding in anger rather than empathy. People aren’t coping well with the stress.

We are all dealing with unforeseen circumstances, and we all need extra grace during this time.

Grace is unearned kindness or courtesy. 

Author Kristen Howerton said, “Say no to the hardship olympics” and I love that. We should not be competing, judging or shaming one another for the different hardships that each of us are coping with, nor for our responses to them. 

Instead, let’s extend grace to ourselves and to others as we all deal with this situation in the best way we are able to. 

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” –Colossians 3:12

To me, this is the epitome of grace and what we should strive for. 

Extend grace to yourself

You are doing the best you can. Take care of your littles and your family and let the things you can’t do right now be postponed. This season won’t last forever. Reduce the self-induced pressure and seek joy in the small moments.

As my friend Jill E. McCormick, host of the Grace in Real Life Podcast said, “You’re a human, so you’ll make mistakes. It’s ok, because you’re a friend of the God who never makes mistakes and he’s got your back.”  I recommend listening to her podcast if you need to grow in grace.

Extend grace to others

Our reactions and behaviors won’t be the same as anyone else’s. We are all handling this pandemic differently. Their grief is just as real as yours, even though it may be for different things. They are fumbling their way towards coping, just as you are.

Giving others grace doesn’t mean you let them walk all over you, but you show compassion without judging them or losing your temper.

If you find yourself struggling with giving grace to yourself or to others right now, here are five tips for increasing grace in your life:

1. Guard your inputs

Think about what you are consuming these days:

• Is too much news increasing your anxiety, causing your temper to be short? 
• Are you staying up too late bingeing TV shows to escape, rather than getting the rest you desperately need?
• Are you eating too much unhealthy food, resulting in low energy and irritability?
• Do you have frustrations fueled by unhealthy comparisons or an unreasonable to-do list?
• Are you seeking solace from friends or social media rather than God?

We must intake goodness in order to have positive outputs. If you want to extend more grace, guard carefully what you allow into your home, your thoughts and your life.

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Luke 6:45

Try this:

• Go to bed at a reasonable time so you get enough sleep.
• Confide in friends who will help guide you with wisdom.
• Listen to positive music and media.
• Move your body at least 30 minutes each day in some way you enjoy.
• Try to make one small positive adjustment in your diet each day.
• Get a change in scenery by taking a drive or getting outside.
• Keep a daily gratitude journal.
• Help brighten someone’s day. 

2. Increase God’s influence

God is the ultimate giver of grace, so what better source for us to go to in order to increase our grace? He wants us to rely on him, to tell him how we’re feeling, and to plug in to his strength. 

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

Try this:

• Pray throughout the day when you begin to feel frustrated or overwhelmed. 
• Memorize Bible verses to help with your specific struggles. 
• Spend time in his word. 
• Listen to uplifting music.
• Ask for prayers from a friend.
• Seek advice from a wise Christian mentor. 
• Honor the Sabbath.

3. Practice self control

Self control is necessary for every responsible adult. It takes self-control to redirect your thoughts and words to be grace-filled when they are about to spew out with anger. 

Start practicing self-control with the small things and you will grow this fruit of the spirit to help when you face larger issues.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Try this:

• Hold your angry or irritated words until you can speak calmly and gently.
• Ask for help or intervention, rather than losing your temper.
• Distract yourself with something positive.
• Take a break from social media.
• Name your emotion, its true cause and what the current negative effect is. (“I am irritated because I didn’t get enough sleep last night and it is causing me to have no patience with my kids today.”)

4. Use gentleness

Reframing your request or response with gentleness can make all the difference between a problem escalating or being resolved with grace. 

“What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod of discipline, or shall I come in love and with a gentle spirit?” 1 Corinthians 4:21

Try this:

• Respond with a sincere thank you after a family member completes a task—no matter how many times you had to ask them to do it.
• Remind yourself of the good and valuable things you did at the end of each day, rather than focusing on what you did not get accomplished.
• Praise others every chance you get.
• Apologize when you have made a mistake.

5. Set your assumptions aside

Everyone has a part of their story that is unknown to us. We can’t assume we know the motivations behind why someone behaves a certain way or makes the decisions they make. 

Even our own decisions and reactions are sometimes driven by motivations or fears that we are unaware of. We may not see the connections between past hurts and current frustrations, but they are often tied.

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Proverbs 18:2

Try this:

• Give the benefit of the doubt. 
• Try to see the situation from their side. 
• Talk to a wise Christian mentor or counselor. 
• Practice empathy. 

Grace is always needed, but especially during difficult times. People are scared, operating out of their normal routine and not acting the way they ordinarily would. Wise leadership is needed, and while no one has experience with this situation, many people have strong opinions about it. 

To live in harmony, we must grow in grace.

We can’t shame ourselves or others into submitting to what we think is right. Extending grace is one way we can shine God’s light, now and always. 

Lord, we thank you for your creativity when you made each of us. We realize we all make mistakes. Please guide us to show ourselves and each other the same grace that you offer us. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

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