Gentleness is defined as being mild-mannered, compassionate, submissive to God’s will, meek and humble.
It feels a little like a forgotten fruit, one of those at the end of the list that is harder to remember because it doesn’t seem as powerful as love or as difficult as patience. However, this virtue of the fruit of the Spirit is significant in our desire to be more like Jesus.
Gentleness can be a difficult tightrope to balance. Lean too far to one side and we are easily angered, arrogant and foolish. Lean too far to the other side and we may become people that others walk on or push around. There is a sweet spot somewhere in the middle where we follow Jesus.
It is how Jesus describes himself.
In Dane Ortlund’s book, Gentle and Lowly, he says, “But in only one place…do we hear Jesus himself open up to us his very heart: ‘Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’ (Matthew 11:28-30). It is the one place in the Bible where the Son of God pulls back the veil and lets us peer way down into the core of who he is.”
For Jesus to describe himself as gentle and lowly tells us what virtues he highly values. What a powerful message this is for us. What a perfect example Jesus is for us.
I love the imagery of Jesus as our Good Shepherd. Isaiah 40:10-11 describes God this way: “See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”
Becoming more like Jesus is our desire as Christians; therefore, a gentle and lowly disposition should be what we aim for, with the help of the Spirit.
It is evidenced by our words.
Most adults do not get into physical altercations regularly, but verbal altercations are a different story. We can be quick to anger, become easily offended, type out a catty response, speak in a rude tone and share the juiciest gossip–and think nothing of it. These responses show a clear lack of gentleness, and are not where the Spirit leads.
The Bible has much to say about our words. Proverbs 15:1 tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Verse 4 says, “A soothing tongue is a tree of life.” The whole chapter of Proverbs 15 provides wisdom about our words. I’d much rather be on the side of spreading knowledge and finding joy with my words than on the side of anger, gushing folly, and crushing the spirit, as this chapter describes.
Isn’t it heartbreaking when harsh words crush a spirit? That is an evil power that we have all wielded at some point in our life. When we speak harsh, angry or rude words, we are causing damage somewhere–to a relationship, to someone’s spirit or to our own spirit.
When we give unmerited favor through our words and actions, our gentleness reflects the grace-filled heart of Christ.
It requires laying down our pride in favor of meekness.
Pride wants to defend and fight; it becomes offended easily. Meekness is being humble and submissive to God’s will. It’s not a lack of power, but carefully controlled power.
Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.
Saint Francis de Sales
When we read about the events on the day of Jesus’ death–the arrest, the accusations, the physical abuse, the mocking, and the crucifixion–we don’t see Jesus defending himself or fighting back. He held all of the power and yet held it back to accomplish his purpose to die on the cross for us. He was in the center of God’s will.
Sometimes we must fight back and defend ourselves, of course. God’s will would not likely direct us to accept abuse.
We need discernment to know what situations call for speaking up and defending ourselves and where we just need to stay quiet or walk away. It is so important for us to seek God and stay in step with the Spirit, so we are not acting according to our will, but his. At the center of his will is the best place to be.
It would be wise to pause before retaliating or defending ourselves when someone says something negative about us or our loved ones. Sometimes, correction and defense is necessary, but sometimes it doesn’t matter what they think and trying to change their mind will only escalate the situation. Sometimes it’s best to let God work on their heart. Winning an argument at any cost is not a wise strategy.
How we respond when we are wronged is a good indicator of our spiritual maturity and proximity to God’s will.
Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” in Matthew 5:5. In Psalm 37:11, David said, “But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity.” If God values meekness and gentleness so highly, so should we. But we’ll have to lay aside our pride to get there.
It is an indicator of wisdom.
James 3 talks about wisdom and taming the tongue. Verse 13 (CSB) says, “Who among you is wise and understanding? By his good conduct he should show that his works are done in the gentleness that comes from wisdom.”
In verse 17 (CSB), James describes wisdom this way: “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense.”
With wisdom comes gentleness; therefore, a lack of gentleness indicates a lack of wisdom.
Don’t we all want to be wise? A wise person uses good judgment. They know how to apply their knowledge. A wise person will still make mistakes, but they will learn from them.
Thankfully, James 1:5 tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
It is one of the filters through which we are to interact.
Paul tells us in Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” In Ephesians 4:2, he gives a similar directive, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
We are adopted into God’s chosen people and gentleness is not optional for us. We are not excused from gentleness because it’s “not in our nature.” These virtues are not natural for anyone, because we are broken, sinful people. We must choose to be intentional about filtering our behavior through them.
Gentleness is not a lack of discipline or allowance of sin, but even through correction or discipline, Paul tells us to “restore the person gently” in Galatians 6:1. We are to speak the truth in love.
When we need to respond in a difficult situation, it would be wise to ask ourselves, “Is my response compassionate? Is it kind? Gentle? Humble?”
When we use these virtues as a filter, only the good can get through.
Gentleness is not an attribute to overlook. Titus 3:2 says we are to “always be gentle toward everyone.” As we know and have experienced, this is more difficult than it sounds. Our pride, our desire for control, our high stress level and our quick temper often overrides our gentleness.
We can see how gentleness is connected with patience and self-control. Each aspect of the fruit of the Spirit is important and inter-connected. It is one fruit with many facets that shine. When we accept Christ and seek to intentionally become more like him, our spiritual maturity grows and the fruit of the Spirit grows in us. We have the power of the Spirit moving inside us, directing and convicting us, if only we’ll tap into the source, listen and obey.
Ideas to practice gentleness:
- Pause when you are tempted to shout in anger. Ask yourself how you can respond gently, but in love and truth.
- Practice not defending yourself where nothing good can come from the argument. If it doesn’t matter, let it go.
- When you feel anger rising, take steps to deflate it–deep breaths, remove yourself from the situation, etc.
- When someone else makes a mistake, speak kind, grace-filled words to them instead of harsh or belittling words.
- When you make a mistake, speak kind, grace-filled words to yourself instead of harsh or belittling words. Rewrite your internal dialogue to be more gentle with yourself.
- Meditate on Psalm 23.
- Stretch your body gently for a few minutes.
- Practice empathy by seeking to understand their point of view and their feelings.
- Use a soft touch with someone close to you (massage, brush or braid your daughter’s hair, wash someone’s feet like Jesus did, etc.).
- Use your five senses to take in gentleness: Listen to a slow, beautiful song. Smell a pleasant candle burning. Touch a soft blanket or pet a dog gently. Taste the natural sweetness of a berry. Look at the sunrise or sunset.
Lord, we thank you for sending Jesus, the perfect example of gentleness. Please help us lay down our pride and exude gentleness through our interactions with others. Grant us wisdom and increase the fruit of the Spirit in us. Amen.
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: An Invitation
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Love
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Joy
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Peace
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Patience
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Kindness
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Goodness
