Self-control is the ability to control our thoughts, words and actions. It requires moderation, restraint, and the ability to say no to sinful desires and temptations.
This virtue is used as a defense against sin and the enemy. When we use it to guard our life, finances, health, and relationships, our light shines brighter to bring greater glory to God. We all know someone whose lack of self-control wreaked havoc on their life, as well as the lives around them. A lack of self-control leads to sin, costly consequences and separation from God.
It’s important to keep and practice self-control in all areas. Once we let down our defense in one area, we may become weaker in other areas, and the enemy likes to win us over with one small yes at a time.
Let’s dive in a bit deeper to study self-control.
It is not only for the benefit of self, but for the benefit of others.
Each virtue of the fruit of the Spirit is not for our benefit alone, but is meant to point others toward God. Our best life is created when we embody these virtues because we are living in God’s will; however, they are also meant to reflect the goodness of God in order to draw others to him and give them hope.
Our life and lifestyle is our living testimony. Our self-control (or lack of it) is evident to those around us–in the words we use, in the possessions we own, in our generosity, etc. As Christians, our life should stand out as different, not focused on ourselves but on others.
1 Peter 2: 11-12 tells us, “Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”
It is to be called on against behaviors that are contrary to the Spirit.
Self-control goes deeper than resisting a second helping of dessert. As part of the fruit of the Spirit, it is focused on guarding ourselves against sin.
The lists of sins in the Bible always make me cringe a bit, because I can always identify with something there from my past or present. Galatians 5:19-21 lists out acts of the flesh. 2 Timothy 3:2-5 describes people who love pleasure and says to avoid them.
Even the seven deadly sins–which are not Biblically sourced–seem to align with this concept of the evil desires of our humanity that need to be controlled or avoided: pride, envy, anger, sloth, greed, gluttony, and lust.
Galatians 5:24 says, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Pastor and Bible teacher David Guzik said this word “crucified” is a reminder to us of what Jesus did on the cross, that we are called to take up our cross and follow him, that the death of the flesh is often painful, and that our flesh must be dealt with decisively.
The Bible has many references to our “fleshly desires” that are sinful, and everyone struggles with something. Self-control is vital to walking in step with the Spirit and turning from these evil temptations.
Its source is the Spirit.
Our self-control does not have to rely solely on our own determination and strength, which will fail. The good news is that the source of our self-control can be the Holy Spirit, if we allow him to work in us.
2 Timothy 1:7 ESV tells us, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
In Ephesians 6, Paul encourages us to put on the armor of God in order to stand our ground against the spiritual forces of evil. Satan is the source of our evil desires. Eve didn’t eat the forbidden fruit until the serpent put doubts into her mind and tempted her with its pleasure and goodness. In the same way, the enemy weakens our self-control and sense of right and wrong by tempting us with something that appeals to our desire for worldly pleasure. He tells us we deserve it.
By putting on the armor of God, we can have the tools we need to strengthen our self-control: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, sandals of readiness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit. It is our defense against the enemy, and it is an automatic protection…when we abide in him.
Whatever sinful desire or addiction we have struggled with in the past, present or future can be overcome by the Spirit in us. Our self-control is powerful if we are walking in step with the Spirit.
1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” The Spirit guides us to the way out.
Because self-control comes from the Spirit, it is evidence of the his work in us. Likewise, a lack of self-control can be evidence that you are denying the Spirit or disobeying.
It can be weakened (and strengthened) by influences.
In 2 Timothy 3:2-5, Paul says, “People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”
Who we live in community with, what we watch and who we listen to matters. Paul says, “Bad company ruins good morals,” in 1 Corinthians 15:33. The people we allow into our life are influencing it, for better or for worse. If you are struggling with self-control in an area, check your influences and adjust if necessary.
We can’t always cut out a negative influence, or may even choose to be among them to help bring them to Christ, but in these cases, building in positive influences and having strong self-control is vital.
On your social media, choose to follow people who will build you up and encourage your self-control in whatever area you struggle in. Choose to invest time with faithful people who will lift you up and hold you accountable, not tempt you toward evil.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Be careful what and who you allow to speak into your heart. Don’t let the enemy drown out God’s voice.
It reveals your true beliefs and values.
James 1:8 says, “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
Chelsea Blackbird is a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner. On The Christian Health Club Podcast, she said the following about health goals, but I think it applies to our discussion about self control: “People are often unstable when it comes to their health goals. When we doubt or are double-minded, going back and forth in our minds about our abilities, our commitments, the effectiveness of the plan or how long it’s taking, we don’t fully show up in the action we need to take to get the results we want. Doubt leads to wavering action. If you find yourself not taking action or taking half-hearted action toward your goals, you need to check in on your beliefs…Actions reveal a lot about what we really believe.”
“Actions reveal a lot about what we really believe.”
Chelsea blackbird, ntp
When we are struggling with self-control in a certain area, what does it reveal about our beliefs? That the momentary pleasure (of the extra helping, the shiny new toy, the affair) is worth the cost? That the extra hour spent scrolling social media at bedtime is more important than being rested and prepared for the next day? That pornography isn’t harmful to our relationships? That we are justified in yelling because someone else made a mistake?
Our actions speak volumes about our beliefs and prove or disprove any verbal claims and promises. Self-control is vital for living out our beliefs.
It is costly when we lack it.
King David was known as a “man after God’s own heart.” He defeated Goliath with such bravery. He refused to retaliate against King Saul when Saul tried to kill him over and over. He showed great loyalty to his friend, Jonathan. He sought God and followed his will while he was king…until his lack of self-control led to devastating sin that affected the rest of his life. It started with David watching a naked woman, but led to him taking her and sleeping with her against her will, having her husband killed, and the loss of their baby. David did not lead his children with righteousness, and they were sinful and murderous, too.
Lack of self-control leads to sin, and sin is so costly–not only for ourselves, but for those around us, too.
When we don’t resist a sinful desire, or even a “good” desire that we take too far, we are giving that desire misplaced devotion and priority, costing us something within our present or future relationships, our faith, our ability to help others, our job, our finances, our health, etc. That desire becomes an idol that separates us from God.
What is your lack of self-control truly costing you? When will it be too much?
I began writing this series after finishing The 40-Day Sugar Fast by Wendy Speake. I love candy and sweet treats, so the sugar fast is a wonderful challenge for me to eliminate an unhealthy food category, test my self-control and point my heart back to God for strength. I think practicing self-control is so helpful and confidence-boosting. If we can strengthen our self-control in one area of our life, we can often apply that resolve to other areas.
On The Dave Ramsey Show, people call in to do their “debt-free scream” after paying off their debts, and I’m surprised at how often they talk about how gaining control over their finances helped them also gain control over their weight or over an addiction. Self-control is a muscle that we must work out to get stronger.
If you are struggling with a more serious sin or temptation, think about how you can practice self-control in another area to build that muscle, then draw on your strength and the power of the Holy Spirit to exercise self-control over what tempts you the most. You can overcome it.
This idea of practicing self-control is what planted the seed of this series, Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit. I wondered if we could practice each aspect to strengthen it. I think it has been helpful to study these virtues to learn more about them and what they might look like in our life. Practicing them has hopefully shown us how we might increase them in our life. Practice removes intimidation and builds confidence. It changes the story we tell ourselves.
Focusing on and practicing these virtues is humbling when we realize how far short we fall in our own strength. The good news for us as Christians is that when we abide more closely with God, the fruit of the Spirit flows freely within us and from us. The virtues become not a to-do list or an unattainable goal, but a way of life. They are an overflow from a life of abundance found in abiding with God on a daily basis. While we won’t ever perfect the fruit, we will have more of it to offer as we allow the Spirit to guide us. The more fruitful our life is, the more brightly it shines.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16
Ideas to practice self-control:
- Eliminate an unhealthy food, food category or drink.
- Set a realistic, but healthy, bedtime and stick to it.
- Keep unholy words from your mouth (gossip, lying, cursing, speaking negatively about others, etc.).
- Delete a social media app for a period of time.
- Pray scriptures to help you. “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3) or “Lord, you are the God of all grace. Please restore, establish, strengthen, and support me.” (1 Peter 5:10)
- Replace a negative soundtrack in your mind (i.e. from “I can never resist a soda,” to “I don’t drink sodas because my health matters to me and my family.”).
- Apologize to whoever was affected by any lack of self-control you showed.
- If you can, remove the temptation from your proximity. Avoid the person, unfollow them and delete their contact information. Remove the unhealthy foods or habit from your house. Set up blocks on your internet. Don’t allow yourself to be alone with the person.
- Ask someone to hold you accountable to not _______.
- Fast for 24 hours (if medically permissible).
- Identify the cost of your lack of self-control in an area you struggle with.
Lord, thank you for sending your Spirit to guide and help us. Please give us wisdom to see the true cost of our sin and give us strength to resist evil temptations. Help us increase our self-control through your power. Let our lives shines bright. As we seek you, help us to be more fruitful so that we may live our best life and point others to you. Amen.
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: An Invitation
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Love
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Joy
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Peace
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Patience
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Kindness
Practicing the Fruit of the Spirit: Goodness
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